THE ROBERT W. WHITAKER ARCHIVE

THE SALEM CENTURY | 2007-01-12

People talk about how historians will view the twentieth century.

History is going to look at the last century in exactly the same way as we look at the Salem Witch Trials. The difference being that for every person who died in Salem, ten million died of pure silliness and superstition in the 1900s.

For now, historians manage to cover up the pure ridiculousness and superstition of the last century by covering it in millions of words. But if one summarizes it, the unbelievable madness shows through starkly. I will begin doing just that:

The century began with colonial empires that worshipped guys who walked around with plumes in their hats. Europe, which consisted of countries with empires that had no conflict with each other at all, were caught up in a giant "arms race" that absolutely no one can explain YET.

Meanwhile some pinheads declared they were "intellectuals" and told the workers that if they revolted, the intellectuals would run everything instead of the guys with the plumes on their hats.

The "intellectuals" got control of Russia and imposed an economic system based on the idea that if government bureaucrats ran everything, it would be efficient and fair. Every university campus on earth converted to this idea by mid-century.

Of course the system never worked. So in the 1930s the search began in Russia for the "wreckers" who were causing the perfect system not to work. It turned out that there were MILLIONS of wreckers because nothing worked.

A reaction against this terrifying "revolutionary" business grew. Fascists took over Italy and Germany. The only alternative was Communism. But "intellectuals" kept insisting Communism worked just fine. So the West fought a war to give a third of the world to the Communists and to destroy the anti-Cominterm Axis. The West was led by the genius Churchill.

Then, after he had given a third of the world to Communism, Churchill suddenly discovered that Stalin may be a dictator. In his profound genius, Churchill announced that what the Russkis got, the "intellectuals" kept, and he was surprised to find that the people he gave to Stalin were living behind an "iron curtain."

Gosh! Whoda thought?