SILENCE | 2005-08-29
In New England they had a saying, "The Lodges speak only to the Cabots. The Cabots speak only to God."
In New England a really classy person did not speak to those who were beneath them.
I was raised to consider that trashy.
There is tale about General Lee which shows how different the Southern mind is. As General Lee passed, an old black slave stood up, took off his hat, and said, "Good day, General Lee."
General doffed his hat and said, "Good day to you."
A French reporter, who did not believe in race distinctions but did believe in class distinctions, was astonished. He said to Lee, "You have just taken your hat off to a SLAVE."
Lee replied, "He cannot be more courteous than I am."
I don't know how many of you are familiar with the Tar Baby Story in Uncle Remus's tales. The Tarbaby was just a lump of tar with a hat on.
How could a lump of tar be a TRAP?
Nobody who read Uncle Remus's tales had any question about that. To them, it was understood that not speaking was an invitation to a fight.
Ole Brer Rabbit hopped by and said, "Good day to you."
"And the Tarbaby, he didn't say nothing."
"Brer Rabbit stopped and he said, "I said Good Day to you!"
"And the Tarbaby, he didn't say nothing."
Finally Brer Rabbit for so furious he hit Tarbaby and got stuck in the tar.
Brer Fox, who set the trap, knew that someone who didn't speak back would get hit. Everybody reading the story knew that anybody who refused to speak would get hit.
To a Southerner a person who does not speak is recognizing his humanity. It is an act of violence.
I think in those terms so deeply that what is native to me is amazing to other people.
Never in my life have I ever "cut someone off." I have had many threats and enemies, but my reaction has always been to confront people if they called me or confronted me.
All my life I have felt that it was all right for a woman to refuse to speak to someone, but for a man it is inexcusable.
There are exceptions, just as there are exceptions to the rule that you don't shoot people. But for me, refusing to speak to someone is a form of overt violence.