THE ROBERT W. WHITAKER ARCHIVE

NOT HAVING A LIFE | 2006-06-03

The human animal is unique in his ability to choke to death.

Yes, other animals do choke but we do it a LOT. That is what the Heimlich Maneuver is for.

Before Heimlich was born, millions of us choked to death on food we had eaten too quickly.

The reason for this is that our throat is built all wrong. In order to have a larynx or "talk box," our swallowing mechanism is too far down in our throats.

A short intellectual detour:

I was a senior Public Choice economist, one of those Discussants who judged other professors' presentations at conventions, the stuff they wrote articles about and make their livings on.

They did several blackboards full of Calculus equations and I helped out by correcting them.

So they got published.

Back to the Heimlich Maneuver.

People have been over the millennia have been dying by the millions from the wrongful swallowing of food so they could TALK. The voice box is the reason we choke so easily.

Cost and benefit:

The cost is being dead. The benefit is talking.

Not one single endangered species has this problem. Gorillas don't have this problem.

Homo sapiens, those of us who DO have this problem, are trying to save the gorilla from extinction.

So here I sit, as they say, "Without a life."

I am just sitting here using the latest tehnology to TALK to you.

Oh, by the way, the ratio you might want to know about is ten to one.

That black guy in prison who is huge and exercises every day is slightly less strong than the average oragutang.

A gorilla is stronger. He could tear that black "I gonna bust you upside the haid" physically apart with one hand.

A gorilla beats humans over ten to one.

If you are a strong human male you can press 150 pounds.

If you want to know the ratio between that big, tough black guy and a gorilla, you need to know what a human who can press 15 pouns is compared to said Really Tough Bruthuh.

So whom do we compare said Real Man to?

Do you know who can press 15 pounds?

A child of five can do a lot better than that.

So that black mass of muscle is to a gorilla what a three-year-old is to you and me.

Or less.

This could be made a practical consideration. If I were in charge, that black mass of muscle would be in a cell with a gorilla who had as bad an attitude as he has.

The gorilla should be given a desire to rape said black hero the same way he wants to rape teenage boys.

But the black rapists are numerous and gorillas are endangered.

Oh, sorry. Back to the title of this piece:

I'm older than ANY gorilla has ever lived to be. I am older than any black without white technology is ever likely to live to be.

But I don't "have a life."

I just TALK.

I got no LIFE.

I feel so sorry for me.

COMMENTS (5)

#1 Shari | 2006-06-03 18:19

NOT SPAM

I had a grandfather who was stronger than average and he just stayed that way. He wasn't really big, about 5'10, 180lbs. Smoked and drank a lot for many years. Died at 95 with no heart attacks and no cancer. He was almost entirely of Cornish descent. Some pretty good genes. My mom said that when she was in high school girls would tell her he looked like movie star. Saturdays are usually kind of boring around here too.

#2 Dave | 2006-06-03 19:43

You talk. You got no life. You instruct, your enlighten, you educate, you liberate. Your talk is captured in digital media on this wonderful Internet which means it shall persist. You say, "Pay attention, I'm 65 and not long for this world". I believe you. That's why I don't take your talk for granted.

Universities are full of poor sots shelling out 65 grand a year for garbage that not only fails to orient them, but disorients them. I tune in here and get an education that absolutely priceless for free. Ain't life like that? But then I put in the effort to find you. Those poor sots shelling out 65 grand a year don't know what effort is.

#3 Dennis | 2006-06-03 23:51

NOT SPAM

We wouln't have evolved this ability, if it didn't have an advantage.

I just want to digress a little, and speak of another 'disadvantage' humans have over animals.

The size of our brains.

It is much larger at birth, compared to our body, than other species of animals. This makes birth painful, difficult and much riskier. If you ever seen an animal give birth, it is a much simpler affair. But humans have a large brain, and the child must be born with an unusually large head. It is the head which causes all the grief during childbirth. The body passes easily.

We are also born helpless, unable to work and completely reliant on our mother. Again, due to the fact that our gestation MUST be short, or else the head would be too big to pass through the birth canal.

We are physically one of the weakest species on this planet, yet we dominate it.

#4 Elizabeth | 2006-06-04 17:31

NOT SPAM (See, I finally remembered!)

A hundred years ago, most people over 40 were dead. Most of those who were

over 40 and still alive were decrepit.

Seventy years ago, most people over 65 were dead. Most of those who

were alive were decrepit.

Now, most people over 65 are alive. Almost all of them are not decrepit.

#5 Shari | 2006-06-06 09:36

NOT SPAM

"Amost all of them not decrepit." I'm not sure about that. It seems that if you are taking 3 suitcases full of proscription drugs and demanding more that you are decrepit. There are a lot of those around.